


The Plot-warp

by Dwimordene



Category: The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Canon - Non-canonical to good purpose, Characters - New interpretation, Humor, Other - Freeform, Writing - Good use of humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-26
Updated: 2015-06-26
Packaged: 2018-04-06 08:41:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4215191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dwimordene/pseuds/Dwimordene
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Another warped meshing of Rocky Horror Picture Show and LOTR. A little filk commentary on some of the films' more troublesome aspects always sounds better when you can imagine the characters in fishnets, don't you think?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Plot-warp

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the HASA Transition Team: This story was originally archived at [HASA](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Henneth_Ann%C3%BBn_Story_Archive), which closed in February 2015. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in February 2015. We posted announcements about the move, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this author, please contact The HASA Transition Team using the e-mail address on the [HASA collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/hasa/profile).

_PJ, in Corsair garb_ :  
It's astounding;  
Written words're fleeting;  
Translation takes its toll.  
But just watch closely...  
  
_Fran Walsh, in Magenta's costume_ :  
Not for very much longer.  
  
_PJ_ :  
I've got to keep control.  
I remember doing the plot-warp _{Characters shimmey on stage, doing the hand jive}_  
Thinking those moments when  
The Story would hit me  
  
_Fran_ :  
And the fans would be calling...  
  
_All characters of LOTR, with Fran and PJ_ :  
Let's do the plot-warp again. _{Chorus line, doing the can-can}_  
Let's do the plot-warp again.  
  
_Aragorn, sashays forward_ :  
It's just a history snip.  
  
_Faramir, Boromir, Denethor, elbow past Aragorn_ :  
And then a jump to the fights.  
  
_Legolas_ :  
Add some humorous quips—  
  
_Gimli, on a box to reach the mike_ :  
—and I'm comedy light!  
But it's that elvish thrust  
That really drives me insane.  
  
_All characters, with PJ and Fran_ :  
Let's do the plot-warp again. _{Chorus line, clapping hands high, then low}_  
Let's do the plot-warp again.  
  
_Arwen, reclining on divan to show fishnet stockings & stiletto heels under elven dress_:  
It's so dreamy, oh fantasy free me.  
  
_Glorfindel and Halbarad, shoulder to shoulder above her_ :  
And you can't see me, no, not at all.  
  
_Elrond, crossly_ :  
O'er-hyped dissension's behind paternal intervention,  
Oedipalized, I'm the troll.  
  
_PJ_ :  
With a Hollywood mind trip _{Characters twirl, shake tushes in concert}_  
  
_Fran_ :  
You'll do that plot nip.  
  
_Galadriel, intoning_ :  
And nothing can ever be the same.  
  
_Fran, grabs mike_ :  
It's not char assassination  
  
_PJ_ :  
Just a new adumbration! _{PJ and Fran grab hands and break some swing moves}_  
  
  
_Characters, swaying in a semi-circle behind the pair_ :  
Let's do the plot-warp again.  
Let's do the plot-warp again.  
  
_Éomer, sliding out of line on his knees_ :  
Well I was pleading with the king for just a little hearing  
When a worm of a guy gave me an evil wink.  
He had me roughed up, he took me by surprise.  
He had a ban drawn up, and a pack of lies.  
The script dropped me and I felt a change.  
Books meant nothing, never would again.  
  
_All_ :  
Let's do the plot-warp again. _{Characters clap high, clap low, do the twist}_  
Let's do the plot-warp again.  
  
_Denethor, doing the bunny hop_ :  
It's just a jump from a cliff.  
  
_Sam_ :  
I fell down a stair's flight—  
  
_Frodo, arm about Sam's shoulders_ :  
—so I'm alone in a fix—  
  
_Gollum, cringing_ :  
—and we knows that's not right!  
But it's Faramir's ring-lust  
That really leaves us in pain  
  
_{Charcters, back in semi-circle shimmey left, shimmey right}_  
  
_PJ and Fran, center stage_ :  
Let's do the plot-warp again. _{Everyone: hands in the air, waving}_  
Let's do the plot-warp again.  
  
_Lights cut out_  
  


* * *

"The Time-warp" [lyrics](http://www.weddingvendors.com/music/lyrics/song-785.html).

"The Time-warp" [mp3](http://www.midnightinsanity.com/Photo/Rhino/).


End file.
